Dear UPC,
Thank you for your letter of 16 April inviting me to spend more money with you. I receive similar on a regular basis and wonder why it is you haven’t worked out that I am in fact already one of your customers and that I do already cough up some money to you for cable television.
I like the selection of television channels I have now. I haven’t, however, been able to figure out exactly which package it is for the simple reason that the money I pay you doesn’t appear to match any basic cable package and when I signed up, I went for basic. I don’t watch much television you see, but I like to have access to extreme sports television and Eurosport.
If I could work out what package I had, it’d be grand, I’d be able to work out how much it would cost to get 20MB broadband on to my package as well. Obviously at the same time I need to work out what to do about the phone because the last time I looked at your phone package it didn’t look like I got to keep my phone number. Which is slightly frustrating.
I do realise though that you’re probably suffering from people cutting back but you will need to address this one stop fits all trick. The letter I received from you this morning had photographs of 3 footballers on it. I only recognised one and that was Wayne Rooney. I don’t like him.
I have no interest in SkySports either because it’s basically SkyPremierFootball and SkyAmericanGolf for the most part. I couldn’t give a toss one way or the other and you already give me what I want anyway in the package I have which costs I think somthing ike 35E.
Has it occurred to you at all that maybe people don’t want SkySports any more? I mean I know some girls watch football so I am not going to be so crass as to say “why don’t you target your marketing at women once in a while” because possibly some of them find Wayne Rooney attractive.
I have no idea why they would but that’s fine. It’s up to them. But as far as someone like me is concerned, that marketing is a giant fail.
No doubt you’ll point out that one of the Comedy Central stations – which I already get – runs Sex and the City constantly at the weekends. I don’t often watch it unless I am extremely depressed and want to be more depressed. I have bottles of wine here for that purpose. As a marketing ploy, that wouldn’t work either.
I’m trying to work out what would. I mean, the only think you have that I might be tempted by right now is that 20Mb cable broadband that you apparently have but failed to mention in today’s letter.
So I thought I’d tell you what I want.
I want to keep my phone number
I want to keep my current television package
I want 20Mb broadband.
What can you do for me? Your website and marketing bumpf isn’t very clear on this.
yours
wnb admin
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